Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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