Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
