i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
