dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
