Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We have so much sex to catch up on
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
And then he peed in my hair
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