I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
