After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
