i just had sex bonerless
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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