I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
