Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
