I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
