the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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