i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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