woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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