I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
