I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
