at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
