i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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