ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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