u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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