You work out of a Hotel?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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