I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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