I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
