Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
