Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
