I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
