dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
