I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
