I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
