So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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