She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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