she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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