Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
