I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
