i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she smelled like a LAN party
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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