textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
