We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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