I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
