I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
