i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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