The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
