Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize