I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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