If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
