if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
