youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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