im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
