Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
