I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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