Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How does it feel to date your dad?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
