When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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