Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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