I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
