I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
