Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
