The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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