I think im going to throw up on grandma
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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