just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
