It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
