Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
