he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
