Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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