I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
