just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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