so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize