margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
