bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need to calm my uterus...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
