i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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