a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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