I only kidnapped one of them. chill
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
