Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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