I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize