she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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