i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Girls should come with a carfax report
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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