so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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