my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
