that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
