Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
