If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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