Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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