Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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